My birthday

so here is what I posted to a group about my birthday.

I must first tell you that my sister, Kim, I referred to, is not my biological sister. My biological father disoned me when i was 4, and y mother remarried and I was adopted by the man she married. I loved him dearly; we had our issues, but reconciled before his death. Still, I am not happy about his daughter. he also has a son from that marriage. Neither could care less about me, for the most part.

In April, at Easter time, Kim got on my case because the rocking chair I was sitting in squeaked and she couldn’t stand it. It didn’t squeak that much, and no one else cared. but she threatened to leave the porch if I didn’t stop rocking.

Well, here is the story of her shenanigans yesterday, and they were far worse. I never, ever want to be i the same room with her again. she does not respect me and I refuse to be subjected to her bull crap!

ell my birthday as nice, overall, but it could have been better. my mother insisted on inviting Kim. kim was not on my list; I did not want her there. She said, “She’s your sister and I had to invite her because if she found out, she’d be upset.” Well, I don’t care if she would have been upset. blame me. And after what she pulled yesterday, I doubly don’t care. she may be my father’s daughter from a previous marriage, but despite his wishes and my mom’s wishes, she is *not*, my sister. yes, i love my dad. yes, I have tried to respect what he would have wanted, but even he has told Kim about it when she went too far. And last night, she went way too far. the rocking chair thing, that was annoying. on top of other crap she has done, it made me not want ot be around her. but now, no, she is ot my sister. She does not deserve to be called my sister. she does not respect me, and she does not respect russell and mary Ellen, who I would call my siblings in a heartbeat.

fist, I must say, yes, I wish Merv would have been there yesterday. yes, i was disappointed. yes, i tried to talk him into going. \the best thing is for me to get past it and not dwell on it. what good would dwellinbg on it do? But Kim, she can’t let things alone. She’s like when you have a wound that starts to scab over and someone would come up to you and start picking at it.

so tom and Barb said they would have liked to meet Merv and then Kim said, “yeah why didn’t Merv come today?” I ignored her. She then came up to me and poked me in the shoulder and said, “Why didn’t Merv come today?” I responded, “I don’t want to talk about it.” she then responded that it’s not right. I was upset. i was ready to cry. there were a lot of people there and I needed help to get around them to go wash my hands, so i asked Lori to help me. My mom didn’t understand why I wanted Lori to take me, but hse accepted it. lori and I went into the bathroom and closed the door so I could get calmed down. Later, they were wrapping cake up. I wanted merv to have some even if he couldn’t be there or wouldn’t be there. it was my birthday. Kim made the comment, “I don’t think Merv should get cake since he didn’t come.” She also pissed off Mary Ellen. She started getting down on Mary Ellen’s ex-husband. True, the guy is a jerk, although in th beginning, before he started having mental issues, he was not so much of one. She started going on and on about how she didn’t like him from the beginning and she knew there was soemthing wrong with him. this, with Mary ellen’s daughter who is also his daughter in the same house. she wasn’t in the room, but she could have heard this.

I am sorry but I refuse to be in the same room with her after this. Whether some of what she said was true or not true, I clearly didn’t want to get into it and she didn’t respect that boundary. She didn’t respect me. And that’s what pisses me off.

Birthday ruminations

so a quesiton to ponder, as I think about the fact that my mom was, right now, in pain to give birth 50 years ago today. Are people glad I exist? Have I added anything good to anyone’s lives? I’d like to think I have, but honestly, I wonder sometimes. Most of the time, I’m glad I was born. There are times I have not been, but most of the time, i am.

sunday bible study thoughts

Still in Isaiah, Isaiah 10:

Care for widows and orphans.

the Lord will use Asyria to teach Judah a lesson, but then, He will punish Assyria.

the Lord doesn’t stay angry.

He will break the yoke of slavery. he did that for us with Christ.

Isaiah 11:

and now we hear about Jesus, speaking of Him. a stump from David’s line. that’s Jesus.

the picrure painted here is breathtaking. Read it for yourself.

Psalm 56: We may feel constantly hounded, but we can trust in God.

He collects our tears.

Update

Notes from bible study

Isaiah 8: Asyria is coming. must be scary. Don’t try on your own to defeat them. but trust the Lord. but the people of Judah kept trying every other source. do I do that? question to poner. Look to the Lord.

Isaiaah 9: the people will see a great light. A prophecy about the Messiah, who would be coming. The Lord is angry now, but he would still send the messiah in due time. he i still gracoious after all they did!

2 Corinthians 11: We believe Paul went to the third heaven. But he boasts only in his weaknesses and talks of his “thorn in the flesh.” don’t boast about how great you are because of what you’ve been given, but your weaknesses can make you relatable.

In our psalm today, David is betrayed by a close friend. I thank You, lord, that the friends I have now are true and loyal. I have confidence none would betray me.

Books

I finished “Forgotten in Death.” it was actually good, better than the last few.

I took a chance on this author I never read, in my audible books for my birthday. I do not remember the author, but it’s called “Chaos at Crescent City Medical Center: An Alex DeStephano Novel.” it’s book one. it’s medical fiction taking place in New Orleans. i love medical thrillers! I think they are my favorite books! I love Robin Cook, Michael Palmer, Harry Lee Krauss, richard Mabry. If anyone knows of other medical thriller authors, I’d love to know! I have a Patrick Logan book here too to try. this is about a hospital lawyer and everyone believes that the hospital has been cursed with voodoo.

Oh and I’m so thrilled. The one couple, the one I wanted most to come to my party, is planning to be there. Sunday. This man is like a father figure to me, since my father is gone, and I haven’t gotten to see them since my move last year. So I can’t wait to see him! he makes me smile and is always joking!

thunder as I write this

so i hear the roll of thunder as I write this, and Merv says lightning is bright. I like thunderstorms, except when I don’t.

Still in the midst of 3 books. “Small Great Things” is bgetting good actually. this Abolitionist’s Daughter by Kathleen Maher is really good too, but I don’t think i’ll finish it in time for book club tomorrow night, more’s the pity. Reading in braille is slower. “Forgotten in Death” is, ok, though Merv finished it and said it’s good.

After lots of reading, some napping, and supper, i feel better tonight than I did earlier. I just felt drained. Both my mom and I decided not to go to choir tonight, so after my doctor’s appointment and getting Merv’s insulin, we came home. I was glad. I had a bit of a toothache earlier, but it is abating. the doctor is decreasing one of my medications, and I was anxious to start it, but it wasn’t ready when we were at the pharmacy. My om stopped at the grocery store to order my birthday cake. I stayed in the car, so i don’t know what it is. my Vi tor Trek battery seems to not last as long as I would think. I know I had charged it last night, though i did read a little after that. But it seems when I use it on bluetooth, like I did today, it goes down quickly.

also, my other Amazon package won’t be arriving until next Tuesday.

tomorrow is work once again, but only 2 days.

Our grocery order came way early today. she usually starts shopping it on Shipt at 7:30, but it was 7:06, right after we got up.

When I was in high school, to get to where the bus stopped to go to school, I had to cross the srtreet in front of our house. it was a road, actually, a highway. But cars had to stop for the bus. i had to cross it each way. I then had to go up the driveway. I could have gotten dropped off at my grandparents’, where I didn’t have to cross any roads, but my dad wanted me to learn to do this and stay alone also until they came home from work. I was a teenager then. It was frightening to do every day. Oncek, a car actually pulled out in front of me while I was crossing. My grandfather happened to be there waiting for the crossing and honked his horn at the driver of that car. He told my dad about it later, and my dad said he was overreacting. but so much bad could have happened. I have dreams about it, and i had one of them last night. in In the dream, I told my mom about my feeling sabout it, something I had never done. I woke up in the middle of that conversation. It was kind of disconcerting. In a way, I’m glad I didn’t go to my mom’s house today, because that was the house where I grew up and had to do all that.

ONe last note about the medication. The doctor said that me being on such a high dose could cause the fatigue and irritability, though if it’s too low, the same could happen. So that’s why i was anxious, but I’ll have to wait.

And that’s about it for now. sorry for such a disjointed update.

[tags updates, feelings, weird dreams, thunderstorms, blindness, health, relationships, fear

Update for today

this morning, we went to the doctor for my husband, Merv’s, doctor’s appointment. they are starting the insulin, since his blood sugars are very high. Since we moved from florida, and transportation isn’t always the best here, we have been relying on my mom. Merv feels badly about this. they want him to see a nephrologist and he feels badly depending oin her. He also feels badly because now, his insulin prescriptions have to be picked up and can’t be delivered. WE picked a pharmacy near my mom, though, but he still, of course, feels bad.

When we moved, I basically tried to make everything perfect so he wouldn’t regret the move, as I always try to fix things. but I read a devotion today called “Are you Tired of Trying to Fix It?” It said basically, we can’t fix these things. We need to give them to God and leave them to Him to fix. I asked a friend of mine yesterday to serve as a prayer partner for me, as she is an older and wiser woman. I told her about this, and she sent me a response and The Serenity Prayer. she is a real help!

had lunch and read a lot. I read more of the Jody Picoult. The people on my whatsapp group were talking about it om the weekly chat last night, and it got me more interested. i finished the one Dannie Pettry book and started the other and am finishing the last Mad Mick book. then, i will srtart “Forgotten In Death,” by J.D. Rob which just came out today.

I got a bunch more audible books for my birthday, which is my agreed-upon present.

I did get a bit sick to my stomach this afternoon, which was not good. i will try to eat supper. tomorrow is my endocrinology appointment, spending most of the day at my mom’s, choir practice, and it will be my last day off.

yesterday, we did get the test strips, as a neighbor brought them, but none of the packages we thought we’d get today actually came. I hope they come tomorrow.

Oh, and for the Civil War book I’m reading in braille, I am so angry at the one character. he is being a real jerk!

but that’s about it from here.

Interesting day so far

I got up after having a lot of weird dreams. We planned to order Cracker Barrel for breakfast, and in some of the dreams, I had ordered it already and different things had happened. I had oother weird dreams about a friend of the family who used to watch me sometimes when I was small. I was thinking of one particular time in my dream and trying to remember it. It happened 46 years ago, and I can’t even believe it. I remember her feeding me lunch and then playing funny little games with me but i don’t remember the specifics. it was weird to think about that all of a sudden. It hadn’t even entered my mind yesterday. Anyway, we did order our brunch today, and it was good. My husband got his usual pancakes with egs, bacon, sausage, sugar ham, and fried apples, and I got something different for a change. I got a bacon and egg hash brown casserole, and it was really good too. It came with biscuits and we put butter and jelly on them.

I had ordered him a spare glucometer. someone on a list said it came with an iPhone app, which made it useable. We ordered extra test strips with it. this is only if the continuous glucose monitoring sensor fails like the one he had last week did. the strips were to have come today. I got notified they were delivered. We loked outside, and they weren’t there. We talked to customer service, and they can’t do anything until tomorrow, in case whoever it was delivered to brings them to us. they asked me if I could confirm with the photo that it was the right place. Of course, I could not. I did have my mom log in. thank god for moms! she said there was a doormat in front of the door it was delivered to. We don’t have a doormat anymore; it blew away a while back. So we’ll see what happens. the meter is to come tomorrow, and we’ll see if it does. I’m thinking the people working for the holiday weren’t their best workers. And by the way, happy labor Day to all who celebrate it!

Other than that, I had to filling out pre-checkin-in questionnaires for my appointment on Wednesday and Merv’s tomorrow. Part of it was they wanted us to check a box whether we wanted them to call us with recorded surveys. It didn’t matter if we checked yes or no, we couldn’t continue. so if they want us to fill out or sign that one, I guess they’ll have to do it when we get to the appointments. I also sent my mom the address to Wednesday’s appointment, since it changed a few months ago.

the only other thing that has happened at all is I was trying to find a devotional a fr4iend told me about, to subscribe to, but me and another of our friends can’t find it no matter how we search for it. so we apparently need more info to find it.

Hope all are having a good day.

Further update

Well, the picnic was not bad. I brought home some chicken and shoefly cake my mom made.

It turns out, for my birthday, Russell is working until 4, Mary Ellen has a game and can’t be there until a bit after 5, so we will have cake and ice cream at my om’s. that sounds nice to me, but I do feel a bit bad because it means she has to take me home later. oh well. she said it was what it was. I feel like I should have asked for clothing or something, as that’s what she likes to get me, but it’s done now. and it’s what I really wanted. but I feel like a really selfish person.