A Question to ponder

I am risking something sharing this.  It may sound very trite.  It may sound very stupid, but I am going to share it anyway, in the hope that someone else out there can relate.


IN a devotional I read today, the following question was posed:


What has held me back from grabbing Jesus’ hand when I’ve needed help?


the answer that came to me, again, seems so childlike, so rather strange, but here is what I prayed.


What has kept me from grabbing onto god’s hand?  I don’t know how!  how do I grab Your hand, Lord?


Obviously, I cannot hold onto his hand physically and grab it.


When I pray and say, Lord, help me in this situation, it seems like I can never help but to actually take it back and try to do it myself anyway.  I don’t know how to *not* do that.


so, hence, the question.  How do you grab god’s hand?  how do you grab it without letting go?  Any ideas or wisdom anyone can provide would definitely be welcome here.

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Seeking connection

HI everyone.  I do intend to post more.


Today, I want to share something I posted on facebook a few days back.  I would like to know if anyone reading this has these same thoughts or issues.  (I truly believe that I am not alone here, and I think we could help each other if we but take one step out into the sunshine and let our voice be heard.  I think that is also the way to conquer these issues.  so here’s the post…


I was talking to a friend yesterday, about how much he so wants to help people. I
admire that. I really want to connect more, which is one reason I am trying to post
more. I find that I am more apathetic than I’d like to be. More cynical. I tend to
hibernate. I know it’s all in perspective. I know there are books I can read, (which
I probably will) but I know it takes commitment on my part, and prayer. It’s hard
to admit this, but I feel it is one of the steps I need to take. I appreciate everyone’s
support, prayer, and encouragement in this endeavor. I want this in all areas, work,
and then with more closer, personal connections outside of work, both locally and
online. For one example, if I am outside and my neighbors are, too, I think about
striking up a conversation but don’t because of fears and questions like, what if
I am bugging them? What if they’d rather not talk to me? The whole thing is a real
struggle for me, but I really think it’s something I can change.


That was the post.  I just want to add that of course, this also happens at work, with customers, everywhere.  In the last few days, I feel like god is helping me to change my perspective on some of this, but it takes time.  I also fear it will go back the other way, that this is temporary.  I don’t want it to be.


I hope all of this makes sense and that someone can relate.

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OUr God Can Do Anything

1 Now in the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, that the word of the Lord by the
mouth of Jeremiah might be fulfilled, the Lord stirred up the spirit of Cyrus king
of Persia, so that he made a proclamation throughout all his kingdom, and also put
it in writing, saying,

2 Thus says Cyrus king of Persia:

All the kingdoms of the earth the Lord God of heaven has given me. And He has commanded
me to build Him a [a]house at Jerusalem which is in Judah.

(Ezra 1:1-2


I was reading this today and it got me to thinking.  King Cyrus acknowledged God.  He acknowledged that everything he had was given to him by God.  he also said that God told him to build a temple for Him in Jerusalem.  And I have to wonder: How did God get this Persian ruler’s attention?  Was Cyrus a little different growing up?  Was he a square peg in a round hole?  Obviously, the culture surrounding him was full of idols and foreign gods.  Certainly, he was taught to believe in and  follow the culture around him.  So what caused him to take such a stand and go a totally different way?  It’s obvious god did something in his life.  We don’t know how He did it, but obviously, there were experiences in Cyrus’s life that God used to shape him into the king god needed.  Looking at the situation 70 years before, could the captive Israelites even dream of how God might accomplish their return in 70 years?  I doubt it. If they had been told how it would happen, they probably would have doubted.  I probably would have doubted.  I probably would even have doubted I’d be released at all in 70 years.  But God did it.  Doesn’t that bring hope to you today?


We can only speculate what king Cyrus was like, what his personality was, how god might have reached him, but we don’t need to speculate about the fact that God did reach him!  And that’s the most important message of these 2 verses, at least it’s the most important message that God is showing me today.

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My Refuge, My Deliverer

Psalm 15, NIV


Psalm 15

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk
is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart
and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur
on his fellowman, who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who
keeps his oath even when it hurts, who lends his money without usury and does not
accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.


Ouch!  I can’t do all this.  There is no way!  I fail at this every day.


Lord, I can’t do it in my own strength.  I need Yours!  Help me!


I thank You, Lord, that You accept me anyway, that You allow me to dwell in the house of the Lord, because Your son did all those things; He was sinless.  he died so I could be, too.  Because of this, You are my refuge.  I can rest in Your everlasting arms.  May I not forget this.  May I never take it for granted!

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Wanting God More Than than His Promises

I was reading one of my Bible plans today. It talked about the rich young ruler. the plan said that Jesus wasn’t saying that it was him bethe rich that was the problem. The problem was what he wanted. He wanted eternal life more than the Giver of eternal life. It really convicted me. When I got saved, I was one very those people they talked about in the plan. I wanted to get to heaven. I wanted to escape hell. When I was growing up, we were taught that we didn’t know until wied if we’d get to heaven or hell. God would decide that. So when I found out there was a sure way to go to heaven, I was all for it! But the Giver, God, is more important. What makes heaven heaven isn’t the mansions or the streets of gold. It’s “the company,” as the plan said. Lord, forgive me for wanting the gifts more than Y. Now, my word for the year, intimacy, really takes on even more neaning. Help me develop that intimacy with You this year. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

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Surrender: The First Step

So I have been rding a bible plan that I was invited to called “The New Y.” It talks about committing to changing things to improve physic also, mental, and spiritual health. To be honest, the physical part is the hardest for me. My health is not good. Because of the health issues I have, my exercise tolerance is very low and it is very hard for me to do it. It hurts and makes me very short of breath. When I first started this plan, I thought, well I just need to do it! Push myself! But today was a revelation. The first step is not to jump in or to push yourself. No. The first step is surrender. Surrender your body to God. So God, You know what a losing battle it is for me because of my meds. You know that I get tired of the fight to either lose weight or get more healthy and just want to give up. So I am going to surrender to You. I will let You lead me in this. There were 2 more steps given. Don’t make excuses. Well, Lord, I feel like my exercise intolerance is a reason, not an excuse, but if it is, I ask Your forgiveness and help for me to find a way. Help me find the small steps I can take, which is the third piece of advice given. Amen!

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A Conversation With God

I was sitting on my porch today, praying, listening to music. And a woman I haven’t contacted in like a year crossed my mind. I haven’t contacted her because I knew she’d not be happy with a certain choice I made. I have chosen to worship online, to call Church Online my home church. There are several reasons for this, but I’m not going into those because that’s not the point of this post. I no longer feel the need to justify myself about it because I have prayed and am at peace with my decision and my reasoning. That is why now, that initial reason for me not calling her back is not even the issue anymore. Now it’s a matter of, I’ve avoided talking to her for so long, I feel that when I do contact her, that is the main issue, how long it’s been. Also, she can be a bit clingy, a bit overbearing. However, she is also a very strong prayer warrior and a wise older woman. She came into my mind. Honestly, the last few times she called, it was never at a convenient time. I was at work, or I was somewhere or doing something that I couldn’t answer. I really have to hand it to her. She still tries to contact me, to reach out. I whine and moan about not having local friends. She’s not totally local, but her brother works with me and so there would be times that yes, I could go see her or get rides to do so. So today, she crossed my mind. I said to myself, next time she calls, if she does again, I will call her back if I can’t answer. The thought occurred to me, you could call her. That scared me! I thought no, not yet. I felt immediate condemnation. You want to obey God, yet you refuse. Now you can’t have true fellowship until you do! You are so wicked! I realized this was Satan trying to ruin my time with God. I prayed about it. I told God I didn’t feel ready and I was scared. I felt Him saying, “That’s ok, child. I have put this into your mind so that it can ruminate, and to prepare your heart, just as an initial thought to think about doing.” I realized God will not love me less if I call her or if I don’t. When I do talk to her, He wants me to do it for me. Because it will help me. And that was so freeing!

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