Trying to Express the Inexpressible

I have wanted to post this for more than a week, but I wasn’t sure I couldind the words. Now, I am going to try, but I’m not sure how I will articulate this in a way that will express truly what I want to say.

I have read a couple Joyce Meyer books in which she talks about how she found healing from abuse in her childhood, how she actually was able to heal the relationship with her parents. At the time, I thought, well, it will take a miracle for that to happen for me. And maybe that’s true, but it seems that I have learned anew that God is in the miracle-working business. Growing up, I always felt my father was picking on me, like he didn’t think very highly of me, like nothing I did was right. When I went to see my family for Thanksgiving, my biggest goal was to find healing, to really repair the relationship with my father especially. I am happy to say I achieved that goal, and if the trials I am going through are part of what helped that along, then it was all worth it. I was very honest with my father. He said that it was never their intent to make me feel as I did. In fact, he is very proud of all I’ve achieved! What if I had been honest back then instead of being afraid to express my feelings? God only knows at this point. It was like all the baggage I was carrying fell away. For the first time, I had a daddy like I always wanted, one I could talk to, love, confide in, cry to. I have always had trouble understanding God as my Father. After this, I have less trouble. I have always had trouble grasping God’s love for me, but after this, I really get it because I realize how much my parents love me. With all I’m going through, I keep reminding myself, if I feel like no one loves me, I know for a fact they do. Then, I can remember that God does, too.

I realize this may not be possible for everyone. Some situations are way worse than mine. But if it is possible, it is amazing what being open and and honest and truly praying will do. Of course, all parties do have to be willing; People realize this as well. I share this in the hopes that maybe, it will help or encourage someone else.

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