Some thoughts

First of all, I ernt to wish my readers a very merry Christmas! I hope to be posting more frequently, but in case I don’t, there it is. May God richly bless you this season and show you the love of His son. May you truly grasp the reason we celebrate Christmas!
My life has felt so out of control lately. My marriage has not been in the best shape, but it’s getting better. I am so afraid, though, that I am going to do something to mess up the fragile peace we are having right now. But this is a lie from the enemy, because honestly, I am not the one making it better. It’s only through God. Then, I was quite angry this morning. I have a pastor or counselor I have been talking to, who has helped me tremendously. He is blind, like I am. His methods can be a bit unconventional, but I love him dearly! Recently, he has been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. He may not have long. He told me there will be other shepherds. I don’t want another shepherd! I want him! No, I am not giving up on the fact that God could totally heal him, but part of me feels like I need to prepare for the eventuality that he won’t be with us. 
Recently, I signed up for a program that is part of the church I attend, Church Online, part of Life Church http://live.life.church

I thought this program might be one where I would be matched up with maybe another woman to have acc_tabibity. I heard from them yesterday, or should I say him. It is a pastorstpsychologist who does one-on-one counseling or has a group you can join. I wondered if God was actually giving me another counselor. I told him a bit about my situation and noticed that English may not be his first language. Plus, will he get the blindness? This is scary! I rebel! I don’t want this guy! I want Tony! Why did this have to happen? I rail against it! I hate change!
Then, I finish reading a book with my husband this morning. It is the latest Debbie Macomber Christmas book, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” It is about an experiment where they try killing people with kindness. What does one thing have to do with the other? That is the key! I need to reach beyond myself, to kill others with kindness! Because of this prospect, I feel joy today! I may fail, but for God’s sake, and for my own, I’m sure going to try!

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