I was sitting on my porch today, praying, listening to music. And a woman I haven’t contacted in like a year crossed my mind. I haven’t contacted her because I knew she’d not be happy with a certain choice I made. I have chosen to worship online, to call Church Online my home church. There are several reasons for this, but I’m not going into those because that’s not the point of this post. I no longer feel the need to justify myself about it because I have prayed and am at peace with my decision and my reasoning. That is why now, that initial reason for me not calling her back is not even the issue anymore. Now it’s a matter of, I’ve avoided talking to her for so long, I feel that when I do contact her, that is the main issue, how long it’s been. Also, she can be a bit clingy, a bit overbearing. However, she is also a very strong prayer warrior and a wise older woman. She came into my mind. Honestly, the last few times she called, it was never at a convenient time. I was at work, or I was somewhere or doing something that I couldn’t answer. I really have to hand it to her. She still tries to contact me, to reach out. I whine and moan about not having local friends. She’s not totally local, but her brother works with me and so there would be times that yes, I could go see her or get rides to do so. So today, she crossed my mind. I said to myself, next time she calls, if she does again, I will call her back if I can’t answer. The thought occurred to me, you could call her. That scared me! I thought no, not yet. I felt immediate condemnation. You want to obey God, yet you refuse. Now you can’t have true fellowship until you do! You are so wicked! I realized this was Satan trying to ruin my time with God. I prayed about it. I told God I didn’t feel ready and I was scared. I felt Him saying, “That’s ok, child. I have put this into your mind so that it can ruminate, and to prepare your heart, just as an initial thought to think about doing.” I realized God will not love me less if I call her or if I don’t. When I do talk to her, He wants me to do it for me. Because it will help me. And that was so freeing!